Over the course of this year, I had been moping about my dearest friends leaving. They’d literally be leaving the country, cutting off all physical contact and leaving no specific return date for us to mark our calendars on. They would be getting into other relationships and you no longer become a priority to them, and instead would be seeing their photos with new friends sprawled over social media sites. Or worse. They would ghost on you and either gradually or abruptly dismiss you.
I found myself wondering what the point was to friendships when they don’t even last? Every time a friendship ends, a part of me dies and little by little, bits of my spirit get chiseled away.
But then someone I was never close to shared a personal story about how she and her husband got together and it involved a lot of unhealthy friendships ending in the process. She called it “pruning,” and that single term, usually associated to gardening, just made so much sense to me. There are tons of reasons as to why relationships need to fade (to name a few: (1) to help you mature, (2) to help you get out of your comfort zone, (3) in order for newer relationships to start, (4) to fit into the new person you’ve become or your new lifestyle) and you’ll have to look at it like shedding skin. The healthier layer of the epidermis just itches to come out, even if it means going through unsightly peeling and uncomfortable phases. They came for a reason, they left for a reason, but their job might be done and somehow they’ve changed you or vice versa.
You’re not going to lose your friends for good, but deep down you’ll know that it will never be the same as it was now or then, just as time is like a flowing river. Let’s face it. All those quotes online, those Thought Catalog posts saying, “We might not talk all the time and I might be busy, but I’m here when you need to talk to me” — you won’t actually pour out what you’re going through via random text to a high school friend you haven’t talked to in years.
Well, what can you do when the fizzling out of the friendship hurts and you’re only left with memories? Think of only the good times and revel in both your successes or sympathize on your failures of the present. But then sometimes being civil with each other is the way to go, if you can’t salvage any remnants of the past.